| |
• Santa to Banta: Name 5 animals living in the water?
Banta: 1 Frog.
Santa: Theek hai hor das?
Banta: Frog da praah, bhen, piyo te maa. |
| |
• Banta: Meri biwi mujhe chod ke chali gayi.
Santa: Tu uska khyal nahi rakhta hoga.
Banta: Arre yaar, Sagi behan ki tarah rakhta tha. |
| |
• Santa drinking heavily in bar gets up n farts loudly. Man next 2 him: Excuse me, but u just farted before my wife.
Santa: Sorry, I didn't know it was her turn |
| |
• Santa: Qutub Minar kahan hai?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se nikla karo.
Pappu: Ram Lal kaun hai?
Santa: Pata nahi.
Pappu: Kabhi Ghar me bhi raha karo. |
| |
| • Heights of Friendship: Santa commiting suicide, someone asked the reason. He said: My wife ran with my friend and I can't
live without my friend. |
| |
• Santa proposing a girl: Darling kya tum mujse shadi karogi?
Girl: Tameez se baat karo.
Santa: Behan ji, kya aap mujhse shaadi karoge? |
| |
| • Inspector to Santa: Faansi se pehle, bata teri aakhri ichha kya hai?Santa: Mere pair upar aur sier neeche kar k faansi de do! |
| |
• Banta: Saadi teacher kehndi hai ke MAJJ da taja dudh peen nal dimag wadhda hai.
Santa: Oye je ajehi gall hundi taan apna katta ajj IAS officer lageya hunda! |
| |
• Santa: I tried ur number so many times, it always said 'Switched Off'!"
Banta: Nooo, it's my HELLO TUNE! |
| |
• Beggar: Oh sundari, andha hoon, paanch rupya de de.
Santa to his wife: De de, De de, tujhe sundari bola hai to har haal main ye andha hai. |
| |
• Santa: Oye tera vyah ho gya?
Banta: Haan.
Santa: Kuri naal?
Banta: Oye munde naal v hunda hai kya?
Santa: Haan... Meri bhain da hoya si ! |
| |
• A crow shits on a Banta. Preeto gives tissue paper to him.
Banta: Koi phayda nahin, kauwa toh ud gaya! |
| |
| • Banta: Jab main paida hua tha to military walon ne 21 topein chalayeen thi.
Santa: Kamaal hai ! Sab ka nishana chook gaya ? |
| |
• Santa meets his old friend.
Santa: A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B.
Friend: Oye, iska matlab?
Santa: Kuch nahin yaar, I mean long time no C. |
| |
• Santa: Drinking n driving dono nalo naal nai ho sakde.
Banta: Y?
Santa: Je speed breaker aa gaya taa peg dul jau. |
| |
• Santa bar vich ro reha si. Bartender: Kyon ro rahe ho?
Santa: Hor ki karan? Main jis kudi da naa bhulna chahunda si usda naam yaad hi nahin aa reha. |
| |
• Phone ki ring baji. Santa: Phone mere liye ho to kehna mein ghar pe nahin hoon.
Jeeto phone pe: Wo ghar pe hain.
Santa: Maine mana kiya that...
Jeeto: Phone mere liye tha! |
| |
• Santa to a doc: Apne nurse bahut achchi rakhi hai, uska haath lagtey hi mein theek ho gaya.
Doc: Jaanta hoon, thappad ki awaaz mujhe bhi sunai di thi. |
| |
• Santa was writing the passive voice of 'I made a mistake.'
He wrote: I was made by a mistake. |
| |
• Santa to his son: I think it's right time we should talk about sex!
Pappu: Sure dad, what do u wanna know...? |
| |
• Santa: Oh yaar main badi mushkil mein hoon. Meri biwi mujhse ek pappi ka Ek rupeya leti hai.
Banta: Oh yaar tu lucky hai, auron se to woh 5 rupaye leti hai. |
| |
• Santa to Banta: Main apna purse ghar bhool aaya, mainu 1000 Rs chahide si.
Banta: Dost hi dost de kam aunda hai, le 10 Rs, riksha kar te purse le aa. |
| |
| • An ATM's jammed & failed when operated by Santa. Why?
B'coz he put a pin from his turban when asked: Enter ur Pin |
| |
• Banta: Wo ladki deaf lagti hai. Main kuch kehta hoon, woh kuch aur hi bolti hai.
Santa: Kaise?
Banta: Maine kaha I Luv U, to woh boli 'Maine kal hi Naye Sandal kharide hain' |
| |
• Santa to Jeeto: Kaisi sabzi banai hai, bilkul Gobar jaisa swad hai.
Jeeto, maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! Na jane inhone kya-kya kha ke dekha hua hai. |
| |
• Daku Mangal Singh Banta ke ghar mein ghusa aur bola: Sona kahan hai, jaldi bataao
Banta: Pura ghar khali hai malko, jithe marzi so jao! |
| |
• A sweet girl goes to Banta's shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao.
Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya. |
| |
• Teacher: Pappu, describe digestive system of a human being.
Pappu: Very simple, it starts with right hand & ends with left hand. |
| |
• Santa: Tainu tairna aanda hai?
Banta: No
Santa: Tere naalon ta kutte changey ne jehre tair lende ne
Banta: Tenu tairna aanda hai?
Santa: Aaho
Banta: Pher tere te kutte ch ki farak hai? |
| |
| • Two days of
powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi
Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48
hrs on Escalators. |
| |
• Santa: Yaar meri aankhein dhang se nahin khulti, koi tarika batao.
Banta: Kisi din achanak apne ghar chale jaao. |
| |
• Santa: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do, mere dost aa rahe hain.
Jeeto: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey?
Santa: Nahin, pehchan lengey. |
| |
• I can kiss u without even touching u.
Gal: U can't
Santa: Lagi 10-10 ki
Gal: Ok
Santa kisses her lips
Gal: Touch kar liya, touch kar liya
Santa: Aah lai 10 Rs |
| |
• Q: What do you call a man who can't hear anything?
Santa: Anything you want because he can't hear na!!! |
| |
• Santa: Oye, ladki dekh, kitni sohni hai.
Bata: Mujhe to uska naam bhi pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai.
Banta: Mein bank gaya tha, vahan yeh ek counter pe baithi thi, name plate pe likha tha: Chaalu Khata |
| |
• Pappu: Bapu idhar aa...
Jeeto: Aise nahin bolte beta, daddy ko izzat se bulate hai.
Pappu: Bapu, izzat ke sath idhar aaja. |
| |
• Santa n Banta were watchin a cricket match. When Dhoni hits a boundary.
Banta: Kya Goal mara.
Santa: Raha na bewakoof ka bewakoof, Goal ismein nahin cricket mein hota hai |
| |
• Jeeto: Sharam aani chahiye, tumhare Banta ki bibi ke saath sambandh hain.
Santa: Sorry, par tumhe kaise pata chala?
Jeeto: Kal Banta aaya tha, usne tumhara underwear pehna hua tha |
| |
• Lady Secretary: Sir, it's ur wife's call. She wants to kiss u on the phone.
Santa: Take msg and give me later. |
| |
• Santa: What food u feed ur new born baby?
Bautiful young Mom: Breast milk & Orange juice...
Santa: Oye, which side is orange juice? |
| |
• Santa: Oye, tera vyah ho gaya?
Banta: Haan
Santa: Kudi naal.
Banta: Oye, munde naal v hunda hai kya?
Santa: Haan, meri sister da hoya si. |
| |
• Sharaabi Santa knocks the door of his house. His wife opens the door.
Santa asks: Who r u?
Wife: How dare u forget ur wife?
Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai |
| |
• Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto, Banta asks: Y r u removin a wheel from ur auto?
Santa: Can't u read 'Parking for two wheelers only' |
| |
• See what a spelling mistake can do...
Santa went to Goa. Sent SMS to his wife: Having a wonderful time, wish u were Her |
| |
• Veeru: Basanti in kutton ke aage mat naachna.
Santa sitting with his dog in d theater. Saali naachegi kaise nahi, kutte ka bhi ticket liya hai |
| |
• Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis k liye?
Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye. |
| |
• Santa: Doc saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga?
Doc: Haan, bilkul.
Santa: To phir theek hai doc saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi bhi koi zindagi hai. |
| |
• Santa: I got old age pension by showing grey hair on my chest.
Jeeto: Pant ki zip khol ke dikha dete to Disability Allowance bhi mil jaata |
| |
• Santa: Raat film vich ik chudail kade mere aggey, kade mere pichchey...
Jeeto: Kehri film si ?
Santa: Apne vyah di movie si ! |
| |
• Banta: Some people can tell time by looking at the sun.
Santa: But I've never been able to see the numbers |
| |
| |
sms 
